Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
