My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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