He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
