i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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