he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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