I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize