I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm too high and old for this...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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