So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
