goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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