Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
