Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
