if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
