My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
