Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
