I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
