Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize