If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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