i would punch a child for taco bell
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize