I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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