Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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