Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
