Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
