last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
