just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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