just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
