They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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