3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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