This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize