Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
