I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
