I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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