I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fuck appropriateness.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
