the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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