dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
