Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
