I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
