I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
