I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
