She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
