hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
