OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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