ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
