sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She even gives head with a lisp.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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