i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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