Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
