I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
