worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize