I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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