Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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