mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
