honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize