Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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