I faked an abortion last night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize