She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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