I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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