my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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