So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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