You're completely useless in the revolution.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
