I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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