I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
