My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
