I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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