I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
