I am puke
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
