Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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