I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
