Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
