So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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