I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize