I'm so fucking centered right now
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
