So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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