She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
