This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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