Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
