the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
