I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
