I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
