just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
