That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
