he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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