he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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