Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
