Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize