shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
