Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
