i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
