why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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