i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize