i barfeds in our rink
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
