It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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