It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
