Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
