are you so shy because you have an std?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
