I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize